Approx reading time: 4 minutes
What is the image that you have of yourself, and how might that be holding you back somehow?
Growing up I never thought of myself as particularly academic, artistic, musical or sporty. They were boxes that we seemed to be put in (or put ourselves in); labels we had, stories we told ourselves, which helped to determine what our future path in life might be. But that’s just what they are-labels, stories and beliefs. We gain so many of them in life-some helpful, some not so much. We can carry those beliefs for a very long time but if they’re doing you more harm than good then I’m happy to tell you that you can learn to let them go, and choose another belief instead.
Thinking of myself the way that I did years ago might have held me back in some ways, but my school report also said that I worked well with others, was polite and helpful and tried my best. And so that’s a story I chose to believe-and it’s one which serves me well to this day. But what can we do about those stories that don’t work for us? That might even be harmful in some way?
I moved around a lot as a child as my Dad was in the Army. I could blame coming out of school with less than amazing grades on that but that wouldn’t be particularly helpful and so I have learnt, through life experience, to start from where I am now and to build on that. So, as a single parent in my forties I decided to retrain, use the life skills I’d gained and set up my own business. I qualified as a Clinical Hypnotherapist and achieved a Level 7 (equivalent to a Master’s level) Certificate in Executive Coaching and Mentoring. I have done further courses in Mental Health First Aid, Stress Management, Mindfulness, Emotional Intelligence and others and continue to learn.
Today, I am learning about the things I’m interested in. My focus is on building on my skills and knowledge, which will benefit me, the people around me and the people I work with. And so now instead of limiting myself and telling myself that I can’t, I’m learning about the things I’m interested in, focusing on gathering more skills and knowledge and working on the things I want to improve on.
Even more than that, I’m prioritising my well-being and sense of happiness. I took up playing tennis in my thirties and I now have my name on a tennis trophy (albeit one in our small local club, but it’s on there and I’m proud of it!), and I can play the piano. I might not be the best piano player, photographer or tennis player, but I love my hobbies, and now photography is part of my work too. If I had kept on telling myself that I wasn’t good enough in any of these areas I never would have pursued my passions, met the people I have through doing them or had as much fun as I do with them all. I also wouldn’t be where I am today as The Coach With A Camera-helping people to express who they are and what they do, to help them to market their business, or simply capturing natural moments of them, and of them with their friends and family for their personal enjoyment.
What does success mean anyway?
Success means different things to us all and there is no right or wrong. What does success mean to you? Getting good grades? Coming top of the class? Earning lots of money? Getting that promotion? That qualification? Being at the top of your game in whatever sport you do? Being a good role model, parent, friend, colleague? Enjoying every day as much as you can? Playing a simple but recognisable tune on the piano?
How will you know when you are successful?
Perfectly imperfect
Perfection is something that doesn’t really exist. Success in many things is subjective and someone or something that is perceived to be better will always come along, so comparing yourself to others often isn’t helpful. If it is for you then by all means do that, but if it’s making you feel inadequate or is demotivating you then focus on where you are now and what you can do next.
Awareness, perspective and attitude are everything. We are all capable of learning. Life is an endless opportunity to learn. We try, we fail, we learn from it and then we try again.That isn’t to say it’s always easy, and there are always things in life which we might not want to, but have to do. There are things that happen that you don’t have control over but you always have control over your response to them. And you may never feel ready but when that causes you to stop trying you hold yourself back. When you learn how to get out of our own way, take action and do more of the things you enjoy, you help not only yourself, but also the people around you.
Would you speak to someone you cared about that way?
Labelling myself years ago as not being at anything artistic, musical or sporty has turned out to be a story that I told myself. I believed those words for years before I decided not to anymore. Now I choose the words I use to myself much more carefully. I encourage my friends and celebrate their wins, no matter how big or small. I wouldn’t tell someone else I care about that they aren’t good enough or that they shouldn’t try so why would I speak to myself that way? I no longer see failure as a negative thing-I see it as an opportunity to learn. So instead of fearing it, I welcome it. I really do. It’s either that or I never try-and I’m not going to stop doing that!
Which of your beliefs are working for you? And which ones are less than helpful? Remember that we don’t have to believe the thoughts we have. We have a choice.
When is good enough good enough?
What’s stopping you from doing the things you want and need to do?
How could you make a start?
What are you waiting for?
This is only the second blog I have ever written. It seems that there are many rules around which we’re encouraged to follow to write the ‘perfect’ blog. Many of them will be helpful, but perfection is subjective and everything means different things to different people. I don’t know how my blog compares to those others have written-and it doesn’t matter. If what I’ve written helps you in some way then it will be more helpful than it would have been sitting in my documents folder and never seeing the light of day because I keep procrastinating on whether or not it’s good enough!
So I would encourage you to just make a start with whatever it is that you want to do. Small things lead to big things. No-one wakes up and decides to run a marathon that day, having never run before, but once you get into that flow state things start to happen. Break things down into small steps (pun intended) and just do something. Don’t be afraid to try and fail. And try letting things go that maybe don’t feel ‘perfect’. There’s always room for improvement, but we can get in our own way by not doing things because we don’t feel they’re exactly what they should be.
Remind yourself that you’re doing the best you can now, in this moment and that you can learn from things and improve next time. It takes courage to do, I know, but play around with it, see what happens and let me know… I’d love to hear about it. I hope you enjoy discovering for yourself a different way of approaching things-and escaping from the confines of that box!
Remember to celebrate your wins and do more of the things you love. The rest will follow…
PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION!
Karen
Tel: 07941 167 285
Email: contact@karenwcoaching.com
Website: KarenWCoaching.com
